The Light at the End of the Tunnel

My blog is always in the back of my mind. Not that anyone could tell since I never actually post anything these days. Today I thought I'd look at the drafts I've started and never posted and I found this gem. After rereading it I've decided that I want to post this today even if it is almost a year old because it putts a point across that I'm just glad I was able to capture in that moment.

May 2015

I have spent the last nine months growing a little human inside of me and it was really hard for our whole family. On paper or to a doctor this pregnancy was normal. average. boring. No medical issues that needed addressing and now I have a beautiful healthy baby. I could go on for a long time about all the things that made the last nine months so hard but I'm not going to bore you with details. I'm just going to share something that I hope will help me and hopefully you in any future pregnancies.

As my due date approached and then passed,

while I waited for the exciting moment when active labor would begin, 

I was worried. 

I did not want to be pregnant anymore! I couldn't wait for it to be over! But I also was having a hard time believing that it would all be worth the past nine months. 

A scary thought:

To be at the end and feel like it will never end and wanting it to be over, but not to be looking forward to it. My worries included that recovering would be just as bad as being pregnant, also not getting any sleep and so many more negatives things that are often talked of when having a newborn at home. 

I still had a small amount of hope. I couldn't remember how amazing having a newborn at home was but I remembered missing it and wanting a baby again and how excited we were when my husband and I found out we would be having a second baby. I tried not to entertain these negative thoughts but they were there in the back of my mind. 

So now I have a one week old baby and I can say that it was all WORTH IT!

Yes I have been uncomfortable and in a lot of pain as my body recovers from labor as well as the 9 months of pregnancy leading up to it. I'm still recovering, still very uncomfortable but I can feel my body healing and I know that it wont be long until I am going on long walks again, playing racquetball with my husband, taking my toddler to the zoo and on other adventures, and doing so many things I love to do, becoming healthy, active and fit again. I can see the light at the end of the tunnel. 

And yes I no longer get anywhere near as much sleep as I'm use to. But I haven't once minded being awake at any odd hour to feed and cuddle with my baby. I find enough time to sleep so I can function and that is good enough. I love my baby so much and I love watching her older sister be such a helper. Yes life is hard and I have a lot of ups and downs, and I can blame some of them on hormones, but life is also wonderful beyond words. Would I do it all over again? Most defiantly yes I would! Do I think that as this baby grows into a toddler I'll want another baby yes and I know it will be worth another pregnancy, but maybe not for a while because I really do not like being pregnant but I really really love having a newborn in my home.

Sometimes you can't see the light at the end of the tunnel until your almost out of it.